Somebody poisoned the water hole!

A hot day spent bailing hay, and other manly activities, such as driving tractors, and not wearing sun screen in order to get the perfect shade of red for your farmers tan. These activities should always be followed by the praise of women who were probably watching you do hard work, at least when they were not preparing fresh squeezed lemonade to refresh your laboring self on the most scorching of summer days. The time comes to wipe the sweat from your forehead, and stand in silence, possibly in the shade a tall tree that you have yet to cut down, and admire the extremely well done remains of your hard work, sipping fresh squeezed lemonade(this is also a good time to do such activities as adjusting your hat, or rolling up the sleeves of your t-shirt to show off the newly acquired farmers tan). These are all important things to know about working hard. Also, it's important to have short hair, that is either gray, or obviously going gray. But perhaps the most important thing is what to eat afterward. What could possibly compliment all these things so well? The answer is obvious to anyone who knows a thing or two about a thing or two, it's a cucumber sandwich. A simple man likes simple things.

What to do.
Start with bread, white, of course. A real man worries not for health, and he is already a stunning trophy of health, due to all his hard work. Slather on Mayonnaise, both sides of the bread. This is known as protective layer technique. A nice layer a Mayo on any sandwich will prevent the delicious juices of whatever may be between the bread from making it soggy(Note: In most cases, it should be a dead animal that occupies the space between the slices of starch. The cucumber sandwich is one of few exceptions. See also, Cheese sandwich). Next comes the cucumber, unpeeled, sliced thin, and layered generously across the bread, maybe stacked as high as three slices. The next step is the most important, even more then the armor coating of mayo, more important than the cucumber itself, salt and pepper. Apply as needed, just don't be a wuss about it. All that is left now, is to enjoy. The best way to do this would be by cutting it in half, diagonally of course, but slightly off center, as to leave sturdy corners to grip the sandwich by. Consume.

Some, more experienced cucumber sandwich makers may use this opportunity to impress the ladies. This is where the layering of the mayo becomes important. If you wish the show off your extensive knowledge off all things delicious, not that it's needed, everyone already knows, but you may want to splash some balsamic vinegar on before closing the bread. Just to say, "Hey, I like fancy food too, baby." A nice way to end this activity is to put on a flannel shirt, as the sun has gone down, grab a beer, and tell tourists that you "Can't get there from here" when they ask you for directions.